


Chocolate Cake

by DivineVarod



Category: Red Dwarf
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Coming Out, Depression, Eating, Eating Disorders, Falling In Love, First Kiss, Gunmen of The Apocalypse, Internal Conflict, Internalized Homophobia, Legion - Freeform, M/M, Psirens, Sacrifice, Slash, Terrorform, Touch-Starved
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-17
Updated: 2016-04-17
Packaged: 2018-05-30 14:00:14
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,269
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6426661
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DivineVarod/pseuds/DivineVarod
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Rimmer feels lost and confused after receiving his Hard-light Drive. When he decides to sacrifice the chance of his first good meal since becoming corporal for Lister, his reward is something far sweeter than chocolate.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Chocolate Cake

It had been a little over three weeks since Arnold J. Rimmer had received his hard light drive and … he wasn't happy.  
The moment he had waited for for seven long years had been a terrible anti climax.  
Had he still been living on the Red Dwarf he couldn't have been happier, he was certain, but on board of Starbug he only found it an inconvenience.

He had been depressed from the moment they had lost Red Dwarf and were forced to live on Starbug. The depression was heightened when Lister and he decided on separate quarters. It had been Lister's idea: he'd wanted a change. Rimmer hadn't dared to disagree afraid of how it would look. He could hardly have said: “Please let me stay with you Listy, I'm scared on my own. I need you," even though it was the truth. He needed Lister more than he could even admit to himself. Without Lister with him at night his mind kept him awake and pulled him into ever darker places. The room itself kept him awake too: It was lonely, cramped and he was surrounded by steel – everything was cold and hard, including the thing that pretended to be his bed. Then there were scary noises – he knew they probably came from the pipes, but at night they became voices that mocked him.

The voices and the thoughts took the last bit of joy about his hardlight drive away from him by bringing up constant worries:

He could feel pain but was indestructible - his biggest fear come true with GELFS, Simulants and Aganoids within a three mile radius. If they would ever get their hands on him he could be the gift that kept on giving. Night after night he fretted about being captured and tortured for all eternity.

During the day he was tired and grumpy souring his relations with the crew even more then they already had. He clearly wasn't in charge anymore, no-one listened to anything he had to say and he was felt as if he was losing control of it all. He'd lost his last shard of authority now Kryten was a hero, after saving them from the Armageddon Virus. He was grateful to the Android, but it just made him feel more of a failure.

The atmos was tense and they bickered all the time. This became another source of worry at night. His mind kept telling him the crew hated him and resented for having his new drive.

He now actually took up space. He was certain the others were annoyed he now could get physically in their way. It was the Cat, especially that made him feel he was. Night after night he kept going over each insult and magnified it out of every proportion.  
He came to the conclusion that he was surplus to the team, a useless addition that should have been terminated long ago.

Being in possession of a stomach now he felt like an extra drain on the supplies. It wasn't a completely made up fear: the Cat had made it clear he was and often looked at him as if he was dirt when he ate. He needed food, his hardlight body simulated every aspect of being alive perfectly. The only difference was that not eating wouldn't kill him, but the drive did make him feel all the other effects a long time without sufficient food could make a person suffer. He tried to eat as little as possible and had begun to switch to softlight to stop feeling faint and his stomach from rumbling. It didn't help much: he could still feel vague hunger pangs even then. To his surprise he had actually begun to lose weight.

Lister had noticed and had told him he was allowed to eat if he wanted to. But in many ways Rimmer just didn't want to. It was odd: all those years he'd wanted to taste again and now eating made him feel guilty: a hangover from his childhood. He wanted to prove a point – he did care about the crew, about Lister and would not steal food from his mouth. And there was his dream: He had always planned for his first meal to be something amazing, something delicious. Not the horrid stuff Legion had served or the things Kryten had dished out. Tasting so far had been a disappointment. And on top of it all: the glares from the Cat were enough to put him of food for the rest of his … death.

He was such a mess.

The days went by and Rimmer's depression deepened. He felt so lonely, more than he'd ever done on the Dwarf. Every night he thought about asking Lister if he could sleep in his room, to feel safe. Whenever they shared a shift every part of him yearned to tell him what he felt. But with the Cat and Kryten so close he was scared to appear vulnerable. So he remained isolated, lonely, depressed, tired and hungry.  
  
When he lay awake in bed, tears pricking behind his eyes, the thoughts that kept him going were how Lister had called him “Rimsy” recently and had tried to protect him in Laredo. That surely proved he still cared about him, right?  
The other thought was that maybe, sometime soon they might find something good to eat.

\---

“Rimmer, you smegger, wake up! What kind of navigator are you? I said: we found a derelict!!”  
  
Rimmer cranked his heavy eyes open unwillingly, he was tired, smeg it, why couldn't they let him sleep? When he focussed his blurry eyes he cringed: he'd been so worn out he'd fallen asleep behind the navigation desk.  
  
He looked up at Lister guiltily, his brain too fogged to think up anything cutting or clever to say.

“Whadda ya doing talking to him? Leave him buddy, he's useless.”

The words of the Cat hit him like a cricket bat. He wasn't sure when the Feline had begun to get to him that much, but he did. The fact he now often slept in Lister's room hurt all the more for it.

Apparently Lister had noticed something as he put his hand on his shoulder. It felt nice.

“Rimmer, are you okay, man?”

 _“No, I'm not. I've never felt so horrible. Please hold me Lister, help me!!”_ Was what Rimmer thought. But he did not say it, how could he? Instead he looked down at his hands and muttered. “I'm fine Listy.”

“Stop wasting our time then, dude.”

To Rimmer's delight Lister didn't remove his hand from his shoulder. Instead he turned to the Cat, saying: “Stop picking on him all the time, man. You're not helping.”

“I'm not even trying and I'm more help than he is. Sleeping on the job! Pretending to be an officer; an untrained amoeba would be better qualified.”

Kryten had looked slightly panicked at the sound of raised voices, obviously fearing a new argument would break out. To Rimmer's relief he decided to intervene by drawing away attention from him.

“Sirs, we've reached the derelict. It's a completely abandoned Space Corp vessel, how delightful. We might be able to stock up on lots of joyous goodies!”

“Fish?”

“Maybe, sir.”

“What are we waiting for?! Let's go!!”

As the trio got ready to leave the ship, Rimmer was still in his chair unsure what was expected of him. Lister turned round to Rimmer.

“Coming Rimmer?”

Rimmer smiled falteringly. Lister wanted him to come? That was good.  
He got up quickly, wanting to join Lister. In his hurry he bumped against the Cat. The Feline turned around and hissed.

“Ever since you can touch you've been nothing but a waste of space!”

For a brief moment Rimmer crumpled back into his seat, almost giving into tears. It was as if the Cat was channelling his family word for word. He counted to a hundred and did a few breathing exercises, then decided to join the others. After all, Lister had said he was welcome.

Arriving quite some time after the posse, Rimmer didn't have a clue where to look for them so wandered around the ship a bit aimlessly. Even though Kryten had assured them the ship was empty he still felt slightly uncomfortable.

After a few minutes Rimmer found the Captain's bedroom, not that he'd been looking for it, and he decided to go in.

\---

Lister had thought up a rule to stop the crew fighting amongst themselves: "if you find something good you can't share keep it, enjoy it, but don't tell the others." He'd issued the rule after the Cat had gloated about a chicken curry meal he'd found and eaten it in front of Lister. The Scouser was usually a patient man but that evening it had taken all Kryten's strength to keep him from choking the Cat. From then on everyone obeyed the rule.

This was what Rimmer thought of when he went through the Captain's private irradiation fridge and found a still hundred percent fresh piece of chocolate cake. A ravenous Rimmer salivated. His dream come true. This was what had kept him going these last few weeks. Quickly he grabbed it and put it in his bag. He didn't need anything else.

\---

The haul had been a disappointment for the others: GELFS and Simulants had already looted the ship so the expedition proved rather fruitless. Rimmer could barely contain his smile thinking about his secret treasure. For the first time he looked forward to going to his bedroom.

“Still so disappointed we didn't find any food, guys.” He suddenly heard Lister sigh. “Four weeks of Kryten's crap. I'm losing me will man!”

Lister.

Immediately Rimmer felt a pinch of guilt and his anxious mind went into overdrive. All his self-loathing returned in triplicate. Did he really deserve to eat that cake?

No, the voices told him: He did not deserve the cake. He was useless, a burden, that was why his parents had starved him too. He was so hungry, but once the thoughts came into his mind all enjoyment of the cake faded into darkness.

After a while he even belittled his own status. The Cat was right: he was just a hologram – Goalpost head, Lister was human, a human he loved. By rights he deserved the cake, not him.

\---

That evening, when the Cat and Kryten were in the cockpit Rimmer knocked on Lister's door.  
  
“Open.” Lister shouted.

Lister was looking through a comic in his bunk. For a second Rimmer thought the Scouser smiled at him when he appeared in the doorway. He quickly banned the “silly” thought from his mind.

“Rimmer?” Lister asked.

“Listy … when … when we were on the derelict I found this. I thought you'd like it.”

Lister sat up and eyed Rimmer's loot eagerly. - Chocolate cake?

He was ready to take it when he suddenly seemed to think of something.

“Rimsy, don't you want it? I mean you can taste now. Would be the first good thing you'd have to eat.”

Rimmer swallowed, trying not to think about how famished he was.

“No, no. It's fine … I'm … I'm not hungry.”

Just then a painful mighty grumble from his stomach confirmed the contrary. Rimmer cringed with embarrassment.

“Yeah, sure. I can hear that, mate.” Lister rolled his eyes.

“Look, I don't deserve it. It's yours.”

Rimmer quickly put the plate next to Lister on his bed and wanted to march out. A massive cry of “RIMMEEEEEEEER!!!!!” stopped him dead.

An arm around his shoulder that softly nudged him back into the room and sat him on the edge of the bunk.

“What ya mean you don't deserve it? What sort of smeg goes on in that mind of yours?”

Rimmer wanted to crawl into Lister's arms there and then. Feel his softness, feel warm and protected.

“You … you're human … I am just a burden here.”

To his surprise Lister looked horrified. The Scouser grabbed his hands and stared at him.

“Hey. What the smeg man? Since when aren't you human? When did that change?”

“Since the Cat …”

“And since when do we listen to anything the Cat has to say?”

“I don't know. He just gets at me. It's not just what he says … It's the way he looks at me.”

\---

Lister internally groaned, Rimmer seemed close to tears. Smeg, he'd been right to worry.  
  
He'd noticed the Hologram had been off for quite a while and that he often flinched when the Cat insulted him. The Feline had become a lot more vicious towards Rimmer recently and the Hologram seemed a lot more sensitive, like a raw nerve.  
  
He begun to wonder if having Rimmer sleep in a separate room had been a good idea. Apparently it had given the man far too much time to think. He was annoyed he hadn't talked to him sooner and hoped he wasn't too late. Rimmer certainly looked very depressed; burned out even, and thin.

“Have the cake Rimmer, you've only been waiting for it for seven years.”

Rimmer shook his head.

“You've been eating Kryten's food for months.”

“Stubborn git!” Lister thought.

“Yeah, but at-least I'm eating. Come on Rimmer, have it. I've only got one taste-bud anyhow and I've not been starving myself to prove a point.”

“I don't want it.”

“Well … neither do I! Not like this.”

“Sirs. If I might interject. I have something that could resolve matters,” a voice with a Canadian lilt sung sang. It was Kryten holding two spoons.

“Ai, yer git, have ya been listening?!”

“I do hope I did not intrude too much sirs, but the door was open. Now I'd advise to hurry up and tuck in before Mr Cat returns.” And with that the Android left, closing the door behind him.

Rimmer and Lister stared at each other for a moment then burst into a fit of nervous giggles. The tension broken they soon tucked in.

Lister let Rimmer take the first bite and watched as the Hologram closed his eyes to taste every morsel.

\---

Rimmer slowly dissolved the chocolate on his tongue, tried to make it last. It was everything he'd been waiting for and more. He let out a shaky sigh.

“What was it like, Rimmer?”

Rimmer looked at him, his eyes moist.

“Worth waiting for.”

Lister smiled at him and nodded understandingly.

They slowly ate the piece until they reached the final bite.

“Yours!” Lister said immediately.

“Listy, I gave this to you.”

“Yeah. So it's mine to share and I'm giving it to you.”

Lister scooped up the piece and held the spoon in front of Rimmer's mouth.

“Open wide …”

Rimmer blushed and wanted to protest, but Lister's smile made him obey.

“Good boy.” Lister grinned, making Rimmer's blush even deeper.

\---

Lister stared at Rimmer and realised that this was the most time they'd spent together in weeks – and that he'd been enjoying it, he had missed him. He felt hurt when Rimmer rose stiffly muttering: “I think I better go now …”

He was disappointed. Had he given Rimmer the impression he wasn't welcome anymore? That had never been his intention. He thought quickly. Hearing Rimmer's stomach rumble again (a few bites of cake were never going to make much difference) gave him idea.

“Rimmer, wait …”

“But … I have to relieve Cat in a bit.”

“Smeg that, come sit Rimmer. I wanna share something with you. I'd been saving these and …”

Rimmer's eyes went big when Lister produced two packets of crisps and a bottle of port then pressed double bed mode on the bunk.

“Come and relax, eh.”

\---

Rimmer felt confused. Lister wanted him to lay down next to him? Was he pranking him? His eyes seemed sincere. The bed looked comfortable and those crisps …  
The combination of being near Lister, crisps and a lay down proved irresistible and Rimmer caved in. He sighed in delight when feeling the softness of the bunk beneath his back.

“Nice and soft.” He muttered, moving his hand over the mattress.

“Isn't your bed?” Lister frowned.

“No, well … it's fine …” Rimmer cut himself off, not wanting to spoil the atmos by complaining.

Lister gave Rimmer his crisps and a glass of port.

\---

After a few minutes Lister begun to find the silence suffocating. He stared at Rimmer who was eating his crisps slowly and thoughtfully. The man had been far too moved by a few lousy crisps and a rest in his bunk. Something was up with him, had been for some time. Why was he holding back so much? Why didn't he talk?

“So, Rimmer, what's going on with you? We hardly talk these days.”

“Nothing much …”

Lister wondered if he'd smegged up well and truly with his stupid 'separate rooms' ideas. Would he have to rebuild Rimmer's trust all over again? He hoped not. He'd loath to admit it, but he needed that man. Rimmer was the only thing that had been a constant in his life over the last decade. No matter how smegged up everything was, Rimmer had been there, the only link to the past and a comfort in the present.  
Being on his own the last few months had made him long for their late night conversations. He'd had the Cat over a few nights out of loneliness but he'd never make that mistake again. No matter what subject he'd raised the Feline had rambled on about it for hours but never truly knew what he was talking about.  
He needed his smeghead of a bunkmate back.

\---

“Hope you don't mind me saying Rimmer. But … I'm worried about you.”

Rimmer took a sip from his second glass of port and frowned. What was Lister talking about? He'd tried his best to hide his problems, how could Lister possibly know?

“I mean you barely eat and you're looking really tired. If there's something wrong with you, you know you can tell me, right?”

Lister looked at him, his head tilted to one side smiling his sweetest smile. Rimmer swallowed, desperately repressing all that Lister's smile made him feel. But he had been drinking on an empty stomach and not being used to it, the alcohol had already lowered his inhibitions. Having held back for far too long he found himself blurting it all out.

“I just don't know anymore Listy. The Cat just keeps getting at me. He keeps saying I'm in the way, making me feel guilty for eating, for existing at all. My room's horrible the bed's steel and the noise keeps me up every night. My mind won't leave me alone, I just feel unhappy all the time and … I'm so smegging hungry!!”

He clasped his hand for his mouth. He'd done it again, ruined the moment.  
But Lister just nodded and said: “Noted,” then smiled at him.

He put his hand on Rimmer's knee and looked into his eyes, his gaze earnest and serious.

“Rimmer, listen. From now on I want you to say when someone is upsetting you, okay? I'm here for you. No more bottling up and festering in your own mind, you're driving yourself crazy.  
Also if there is a problem with your bed or noise in your room – tell me or Kryten. Maybe we can help.  
And – and this is important: you have as much right to be here and eat as any of us. I don't care what the Cat says or how he looks at you, he's not the boss of us. If you want to walk around you walk if you're hungry you eat. Understood?”

Rimmer nodded.

“Good.”

A warm glow spread through Rimmer, which wasn't caused by the alcohol. Lister cared about him. He might not be in love with him the way he was, but he  _cared_ and that meant a lot. It made him grow a little bolder. There was something else on his mind, something he had wanted to talk about for a long time. Something that – to him – had confirmed his status as most insignificant member of the team.

\---

“Lister …?”  
  
Lister cringed, Rimmer was using that tone, that tone that spelled trouble or something really difficult coming up.

“Yeah?”

“I've been thinking …” Rimmer said thoughtfully. “Why … why do you think the Psirens ignored me?”

“Wha?”

“They targeted all of you. Am I that worthless they didn't even bother with me?”

Now where did that come from?

“You're not worthless Rimmer. Why are you even thinking about that crap? Maybe they just can't read holograms.”

Rimmer was silent, sliding his finger through the empty crisp package to get all the crumbs and salty bits.

“Maybe they did and just couldn't …”

Rimmer looked up at Lister and stopped dead, he looked suddenly flustered and his breath became rapid.

“Rimmer, are you alright, man?”

“I … I was wrong. We all got what we desired …!!”

Rimmer slowly slid away from Lister, trying to get out of the bed, looking anxious and guilty.

“What? They did target you? But …?”

“Nothing. Forget it. I think I better go.”

“Now what?”

While trying to keep Rimmer down Lister tried to think quickly. What had the Psirens done? They created desires. The Cat had seen generic hotties, he'd got Kochanski and Pete Tranter's sister Kryten had seen his creator. The only other illusion they'd created had been … two Listers? Was that it? Rimmer desired him?  
He looked at Rimmer and suddenly it hit him: Rimmer was in love with him. Strangely the thought did not scare him, the fear and guilt in the other man's eyes did.  
  
“Calm down now Rimmer.” Lister shushed as he made soft soothing noises. “I don't care what the Psirens did …”

\---

All Rimmer knew was that he had to get out of there. How could he have been so stupid? He'd been in love with Lister from the moment they met. Of course the Psirens would pick up on that!

Why had he not realised it earlier? Why had he ever opened his mouth. He had to go – now!! Before Lister would understand. Before he hated him, before he'd …

\---

“You're going to kill me! Please just let me leave.”

Rimmer was shaking on the edge of the bunk.

“Hey, hey! I don't kill, remember? Arn, It's okay. Was … was it that second Lister?”

Rimmer winced and turned red, within a second he was at the other end of the room.

“I'm sorry.”

This was a difficult situation, but Lister made a concious effort not to show his own inner turmoil. He had to be careful here. Even though younger than the man Lister had always felt strangely protective of Rimmer, even before the accident. If he wanted him back, if he wanted him sane, he had to do his best not to scare him off now.

He slowly pored two new glasses of port.

“So I take it that it was then? Well, that's flattering to say the least.”

“You … you mean you're not angry?”

Rimmer took the glass, his hands shaking.

Lister forced a smile. “Angry? Of someone fancying me? Nah. Come lay down again. It's okay.”

“I … I was so scared.” Rimmer stammered.

“Come back Rimmer. Let's talk about this.”

The Hologram downed the port in one gulp and shuffled back slowly, his eyes staring at Lister warily.

“Look, it makes no difference to me if you're gay or not …”

Nostrils and eyebrows flared, Rimmer's face turned scarlet.

“Okay, too early …” Lister chastised himself.

He sighed. Another layer of the onion that was Rimmer's shell revealed: Internalised homophobia. With his upbringing Lister wasn't surprised.

“Cause, if you were, see, it wouldn't matter. Understood? You're me mate. I'll support you no matter what.”  
  
To his relief he saw some of Rimmer's guard come down.

“You … you would?' Rimmer's voice was soft and so full of hope it almost brought tears to Listers eyes. He wondered what the man had been torturing himself with all this time.

“Of course man. Come back to bed. Let's have another drink. You can have my last crisps.”

Rimmer still stood in the middle of the room, a lone tear sliding slowly down his cheek.

“You're sure. After what … You don't find me disgusting?”

“I shared a room with you for centuries, you smegger. It's a bit late for that.”

\---

Lister's own mind was a ball of confusion, but he couldn't internalise now. He would think of the implications later. He had to be there for Rimmer now, make sure he'd feel accepted, build his confidence. A valiant task if ever there was one.

_Build his confidence!_

Only now he remembered: The Psi Moon! How moved Rimmer had been when he had told him that he loved him. He must have thought … smeg!!  
No wonder Rimmer had distanced himself since then.  
Imagine being in love with someone and hearing he loves you back only to be told it was all a lie 15 minutes later. No surprise he didn't trust him now.

Lister stood up and walked to Rimmer. He wiped the tear from his face, then kissed his cheek.

“It''s okay Arnold.”

Softly he took his hand and brought him back to bed, then settled next to him.

Silently Lister refilled the glasses.

Soon Rimmer was drunk.

\---

Lister wondered. He'd been lonely himself for a very long time and knowing someone loved him did him good. He'd always been open minded and when on earth he'd been bi-curious to say the least (okay, not just on earth.)  
He'd always thought Rimmer, when calm, was rather attractive. Maybe ...

“Cold …” A befuddled Rimmer babbled slowly. “The walls are cold. Everything is cold and hard. You are warm, this bed is warm, you're both soft. The only two things on this smegging ship that are warm and soft.”

“The Cat's warm and soft …”

“Not to me …”

“You two really need to sort out your problems …”

Silence.

“Lister …?”

“Yes?”

“I'm tired … Is it okay if I close my eyes a bit …?”

Lister smiled and shook his head. Maybe giving Rimmer that much alcohol on a nearly empty stomach hadn't been his best idea. He was obviously in no fit state for his cockpit shift.

“Want me to take over your shift with Kryten? You could have a nap on the nice soft bed. Would you like that, Rimmer?”

“Want you to stay …” Rimmer mumbled drunkenly, managing to slightly raise himself to look at Lister with unfocussed eyes. “Missed you so much.”

Lister stared at the clearly inebriated Hologram. There was something so fragile about him. As if deep down inside, beneath all those protective layers he had build around himself over the years, there still was a scared seven year old that waited to be released, waited to be loved.

“Sure, I'll stay.” Lister smiled.

“Thank you …”

Lister quickly slipped out of bed and turned on the “Do Not Disturb” sign on the door then pressed “Lockdown”. He was not having Cat or Kryten barging in, not now he finally had Rimmer calm.

“Where's Listy going?” Rimmer asked, sounding dazed.

“I'm getting back in, Arn. Just locking the others out.”

“That's good …” Rimmer slurred drowsily, clearly not understanding.

Lister crawled back in next to Rimmer. To his surprise the Hologram snuggled himself against him and sighed contentedly. That was new.

“Erm … Rimmer?” Lister begun.

“Hmm?”

Lister searched his mind: Rimmer was drunk. Would he regret this in the morning? Maybe. But he'd also be crushed if he brushed him of now. Besides, it had been a long time since anyone had cuddled up against him.

“Never-mind …”

“You're warm …” Rimmer slurred. “Soft …”

Absent-mindedly Lister moved his fingers through Rimmer's curls.

“What am I going to do with ya, eh?”

Rimmer's hand was on his chest, Lister softly took it in his.

\---

Lister held Rimmer's hand and gently massaged the middle of his palm with his thumb. From there on he softly stroked his arms then his neck then his cheek. Slowly he moved his face to Rimmer's mouth and then brushed his lips with his.

“Listy …?” Rimmer asked in a breathless childlike voice.

Lister suddenly stopped. He wanted to kiss Rimmer, he felt. But that would give the man hope – hope of something he couldn't possible give him, not yet atleast. If he gave him hope for love, of a relationship, and then took it away - _(again!)_ he'd break his heart. Rimmer was mentally fragile, vulnerable. He would not do anything that could damage him.

He had to sort out his feelings first.

“Listy …?” Rimmer asked again, his voice very sleepy now.

“Go to sleep now, Arnold.” Lister said softly.

Lister was disappointed in himself. He could have solved everything: He could have saved Rimmer, brought him happiness. He could have put an end to his own loneliness. Why could he not let himself give into the moment?

Because Rimmer was drunk, he told himself. It was all too easy to take advantage of the situation.  
But would Rimmer not need to be drunk for anything to start? For the guy to break through all the layers of self hate and be free? At least the first time.

He felt Rimmer's soft breaths in his neck. He turned to his side and looked at the man sleeping next to him. He moved his hand over his arm again, then stroked the Hologram's cheek. He moved his finger over his lips. Rimmer stirred, he quickly took his hand away. Two very sleepy hazel eyes stared at him blearily.

“I'm scared on my own …” Rimmer confessed sluggishly.

“You're not, I'm here Rimmer.” Lister wrapped his arms around Rimmer and the Hologram cuddled up to him. Lister banished every thought of the next morning or how the Cat and Kryten would react to both of them missing their shifts.

“Off …” he hissed to the lights, and soon he too fell asleep, holding Rimmer.

\---

Late the following morning Rimmer woke up feeling happy and terrified at the same time. The happiness came from waking up in Lister's arms. The fear was because he was unable to recall how exactly he'd got there.

Then it all came back. He gasped and begun to hedge his chances of turning himself softlight and slipping out before Lister woke up. Surely the Scouser would be disgusted by him now he was sober …

\---

Lister had been awake for some time now and had noticed the dread that seeped into the Holograms face. He'd better stop him before he had a panic attack.

“Morning Rimmer. Hope yer head aint to bad, I know you're not used to drinking.”

“It's … it's okay …”

“Thank's again for the cake man. Good of ya.”

\---

Rimmer's mind sighed with relief: no awkward moment. Lister wasn't disgusted.  
   
 His mind calm now he begun to recall something else: a kiss, a hand on his cheek, soft lips brushing his …  
Did he dream it? He mush have.  
But it felt so real. It made him feel fuzzy inside.

He sat up and immediately felt some of the effects of the alcohol.

“Wait.” Lister said and got up to get him a glass of water.

After Rimmer had emptied the glass Lister took his hands and stared at him.

“I want you to come back.” The Scouser said warmly. “I don't like you being alone.”

Rimmer's hologramic heart leaped. These words made him feel better than the taste of chocolate ever could.  
  
Then Lister put his hand on his cheek and moved his face to his.  
  
Then Rimmer tasted, he tasted the most delicious thing he'd ever tasted; chocolate, crisps, alcohol and ... Lister - he tasted Lister.

For a brief moment Arnold J. Rimmer was the happiest man in the universe.


End file.
